Hey everyone! This post is a bit personal and I feel that I need to be more open with myself and others. In two weeks, I'm turning the big 30!! Gasp!!! It scares me a lot because I'm getting older and realized that I'm not where I thought I would be in my 20's. I had a strong feeling about what goals I wanted to accomplish, where I would be living, when I was getting married but there is a thing called life that happens. You never know where it will take you and you honestly have no control. I thought by now I would be in my dream career, living on my own, married, children, financially stable and just happy. My life now is not what I thought it was going to be years ago. I knew when I was little that I was really creative and different. I thought I wanted to be a hair stylist and I said that for the longest time. I was always cutting and styling my dolls hair and then someone put the idea of owning a salon, being my own boss. I took that and ran for years thinking of ideas to call my salon, what would be different about it but my other passion kept tugging at me....dance. I've been dancing since I was about 4 or 5 years old and my parents really invested in my dance career. I took many dance classes, did all these recitals and just was excelling at it.I knew then I wanted to just dance, own a studio and teach it. When I was in the 8th grade, the high school cheerleaders came to our school and I tried out for the freshman team and made it. I also played the clarinet and was excited to be in the marching band in high school. But there was a huge conflict, I was going to move up to the advanced classes at my dance school and marching band practice fell on the nights of the classes. I had to make a really hard decision and it hurt to walk away from my dance career. But I enjoyed being in a very popular and well know marching band and being a cheerleader. We did lots of band competitions and won majority of them. It was great but I missed dancing so much. After graduating high school, I did college cheering it was amazing. Our school was actually on ESPN and people saw me. I was so mad we lost that game cause I was look forward to traveling and being part of the NCAA tournament. Then I graduated college with a business degree and there was the real world looking me in the face. I had to get a job, my own car, pay car insurance, my own phone plan and so on. And I really kick myself for never doing an internship while I was at school because I feel I would be better off now career wise. I've had jobs that didn't work out over the years and I never knew what I really wanted. I just know that I want to work in a business environment and work my way up to upper management. Its scary to know I'm about to be 30 and don't know where I want to be career wise. Dance was still in my head, I would envision dances that I would love to see on stage in my head when I heard certain songs. I started going to these dance classes at the local community college and later then teacher purchased a dance studio. I thought this was my chance to really getting back into it. I even tried out for a NFL Dance team but only made it through two rounds. I was training to dance on pointe when I discovered I was pregnant with my son. He is such an amazing blessing to my life, I couldn't imagine my life without him. I started to think that maybe dance wasn't destined for me and I pushed that dream away. It just hurt so much but I was thinking as realistic as I could being a mom now. I'm like hard on myself because I feel like I failed myself in a way. I set these goals and haven't accomplished any of them. Maybe they were not meant to be. Maybe there are other things I'm supposed to be doing that the failures are putting me in a position for them. I'm not sure about a lot of things but I am grateful for having a roof over my head even if its not my own, food to eat, clothes on my back, I can provide for my son, I have a job and I'm still living. I know things will get better one step at a time and I know I will be okay. Maybe 30 doesn't sound so bad afteall..................
On Tuesday I did mention that I had some exciting news to share. I have been working part time for a while and searching like crazy for full time work. I was starting to get a little frustrated but never gave up. Well a full time opportunity came up at my current job and I am now full time status!!! I was just so overjoyed and thankful. I will have a more stable income, I can go back to school and start to make some moves. Then I started to get a little overwhelmed. How was I going to juggle being a full-time working mom, grad student, blogger and balance everything else. It has been a while since I had a full time schedule and based my blogging schedule around my days off during the week. I start my full time hours next week and just need to take a small break away from Naturalle Drea. I really didn't want to because I love this so much but I need to see how to handle everything. I will most likely change my blogging schedule around. Thank you to those who have been encouraging to...
Nice reflective piece, Andrea! Don't worry, we all go through these stages! Some of us map out our life while in our 20s only to see that life has taken us down a totally different path! I think it is always good to look back on life, reflect and use that to figure out where to go next. Or, you can always refer back to this writing 6 months from now and look how much you've grown! Think of it as a “checks and balances!” Keep blogging!
ReplyDeleteThanks you so much Tiana, I really appreciate your encouragement and for stopping by.
DeleteNever give up on your dreams. Always in God's timing. Keep pursuing your goals. You're going to look back at this post see how far you've come - Rhondine
ReplyDeleteThank you so Rhondine for your encouraging words, I appreciate it!
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