On a personal note.....

So many things have been on my mind lately, it's just all driving me crazy. I literally had a major meltdown a few weeks ago over life of course. I hate that I have no clue what I want to do with my life, what direction to turn into or anything. I had it all set out about 10 years ago. I know what i wanted to go to college for, I knew my career path, when certain things would happen in my life. Nothing like I imagined it. You can't be in the driver's seat all the time, you are always not in control of things. I'm proud of myself for pushing through and getting my degree that I'm not using at the moment. But where did my drive and motivation go? I feel like I'm lacking consistency and that "Go-Getter" mentality. I feel like I lost them somewhere. It was brought to my attention a while ago and I didn't listen. I thought I was okay but now I'm realizing that I have lost it. I have been inconsistent many of times and I really don't push myself past my limits. I let excuses take over. I let my fears take over. I let my insecurities take over. I'm thinking oh I'm really pushing myself, I'm really trying hard when I'm not. I can even stay consistent with working out and I want my flat stomach back in time for summer. I don't know what happened to me at all. I really need to step back and step away from some things to find that person again. I don't like how my life is going right now and I want things to change and turn around. I want to be on the right path, I want to be happy again. I do fake the funk a lot like everything is okay when it's really not. I really want to find myself and figure out my career and where I'm going wrong and what I'm doing wrong. I don't want to fail at not trying. I can't give up and throw in the towel. As I'm writing this, I'm feeling better. I know things don't happen over night but I know it will happen. I know I'm going to be okay. Everything will be okay.