So many things have been on my mind lately, it's just all driving me crazy. I literally had a major meltdown a few weeks ago over life of course. I hate that I have no clue what I want to do with my life, what direction to turn into or anything. I had it all set out about 10 years ago. I know what i wanted to go to college for, I knew my career path, when certain things would happen in my life. Nothing like I imagined it. You can't be in the driver's seat all the time, you are always not in control of things. I'm proud of myself for pushing through and getting my degree that I'm not using at the moment. But where did my drive and motivation go? I feel like I'm lacking consistency and that "Go-Getter" mentality. I feel like I lost them somewhere. It was brought to my attention a while ago and I didn't listen. I thought I was okay but now I'm realizing that I have lost it. I have been inconsistent many of times and I really don't push myself past my limits. I let excuses take over. I let my fears take over. I let my insecurities take over. I'm thinking oh I'm really pushing myself, I'm really trying hard when I'm not. I can even stay consistent with working out and I want my flat stomach back in time for summer. I don't know what happened to me at all. I really need to step back and step away from some things to find that person again. I don't like how my life is going right now and I want things to change and turn around. I want to be on the right path, I want to be happy again. I do fake the funk a lot like everything is okay when it's really not. I really want to find myself and figure out my career and where I'm going wrong and what I'm doing wrong. I don't want to fail at not trying. I can't give up and throw in the towel. As I'm writing this, I'm feeling better. I know things don't happen over night but I know it will happen. I know I'm going to be okay. Everything will be okay.
You know when you keep thinking of something and you just feel like you have to get it out? That was me before sitting down to write this post. I had something else planned to write but I kept thinking...sometimes its hard and it just evolved from there. We all heard the sayings, life isn't fair, life is hard and so on. Sometimes life can be hard but we don't experience it for long. There are so many things that I want to do but I know I can't do a million things at once. I can't just pick and go anymore, I'm someone's parent now. There are times I want to but I know things have to be planned out now. I will get to those place I want to go, just have to be patient and plan it out. It seems like we focus so much on what is hard about life that we forget about the easy stuff. We forget sometimes about all the good things that happen and to be grateful for getting through those rough patches. You may not like your living situation but you have a roof over
Some time we can be too hard on ourselves. You are blessed to be talented and smart and more blessing are sure to come your way. You are already on track because u figured out that you need to push harder to be where you want to be in life and in due time everything will fall into place !!
ReplyDeleteThanks girl, I really appreciate it! I'm still learning patience.
DeleteDon't be too hard on yourself. I graduated from college 5 years ago and still have no idea what I want to do with my life. My degree is still kind of relevant but my concentration and minor are out the window lol. Just take one thing at a time and set realistic goals. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you Tanya. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself and really learn to be more patient with things. I just needed to get that out!
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